Living with alcoholism

ALCOHOLICS Anonymous South Africa (AA) commemorated its 75th anniversary on Monday, October 18.

To mark the event, volunteers and members are spreading awareness around alcoholism and the support that the AA offers.

To help readers understand, three alcoholics shared their stories with the POST:

*Brandon, 27: ‘A trap for youth’

*Brandon lives in Sydenham. He said alcoholism gripped people at any age. He first got a taste for alcohol at the age of 9. By the time he was 11 years old he started drinking more regularly.

“Growing up, I wasn't aware about alcoholism or that it was a disease. For me, as a young kid, drinking was a normal part of life. I saw people do it around me, something that I thought you did naturally as you grew older.”

By the age of 9, he started experimenting with alcohol. “I’d steal and drink at family ceremonies and functions. My first proper drink was probably around the age of 11.

“It felt like my life was normal, and I was a part of something. Growing up, I’d always felt different, like I didn’t fit in. I always felt everybody else knew how to live correctly, as if they had a manual to life and they knew how to do it. But I was always doing things wrong, and I didn’t know what to do when I didn’t fit in. When I picked up that drink, it felt like I was in control. Alcohol then became my coping companion.”

But Brandon said the feeling was deceptive. “I had become like a violent drunk. It was unbearable, and my parents eventually kicked me out of the house just before my matric year. I didn’t realise my drinking was a problem until then. My parents arranged for me to stay with relatives in uMlazi, just for a geographical change, in the hope that things would get better.

“But that’s the thing with alcoholism. It’s not the environment around you. It’s a disease you carry inside of you. I took my disease with me. I went to uMlazi and caused the same problems that I had caused at home.”

While in uMlazi, during a blackout (when an alcoholic seemingly functions but they are actually not aware of what they are doing), he called his parents and asked to come home.

“It was in my matric year. My parents said that if I really want to come home, I needed to go to rehab and prove that I’m committed to changing. That was the only reason I went to rehab, not because I realised I had a problem, but because I wanted to get back home.”

Brandon said it was only when he heard others share their stories in AA meetings that he realised he, too, had an alcohol addiction.

“I started identifying myself in their stories, and that’s when I realised I needed help. The way that I drank was not normal. I had to concede to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic.”

He joined the AA after his matric finals in December 2012 and is still an active member.

“I’ve been sober since then. I got the chance to live like a normal person again, and I took it. Alcohol addiction deceived me as a young man. As youth, we deal with low self-esteem, and a lack of self-confidence and self-awareness. Alcohol gives you a false sense of identity and assurance.

“In the moment, you feel happy and emotionally content. It gives you the courage to approach people and situations, to talk to girls, to go to clubs. But when the alcohol wears off, all the hard feelings come back.

“You can’t run away from alcoholism. When I lived in uMlazi, I took my alcoholism with me. When I came back to Sydenham after rehab, I remained sober. It’s got nothing to do with the environment around you. It’s about you and the decision you make that you are ready to fight this,” he said.

*Pat, 55: ‘A disease that takes control’

Growing up in Stanger, *Pat witnessed his father drinking a lot.

“It started off as an experimental thing. I was around 14 when I picked up my first drink. You think you want to try it, but then I found that I gravitated more and more towards alcohol. My weekends, all my social activities always centred around alcohol.”

It was only later in life, after marriage and having a family, when he became aware of a possible problem, he said.

“I still wouldn’t admit that I had an alcohol addiction. I never saw myself as suffering with alcoholism. I always assumed that I could control it when I wanted to. But every time I tried to control it, I couldn’t. Every time that I tried to stop, I couldn’t.

“It was only after joining the AA that I learnt that alcoholism is defined as a two-fold illness – an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. Your mind convinces you that you need to drink. The thought of having a drink becomes an obsession to the extent that it overrides all other reasoning, like that you don’t have the money to buy a drink or that you have other responsibilities, or that you need to go to work.

“Your mind tells you that all you need to do is just have one drink, but that one drink sets off an energy in your body towards alcohol. This physical energy presents itself as a craving. The body takes over because the body wants more and more alcohol. So you start to drink to satisfy a craving beyond your control.”

After 30 years of sobriety, Pat said the most difficult part of sobriety is starting. “The most difficult thing for anyone to overcome on this journey is to admit that they have a problem. Many will regard that as a moral failing, but it’s not a moral failing. You are dealing with a disease. The alcoholic is not a bad person trying to be good. We are sick people trying to get better.”

*Joelene, 65: ‘AA gave me my family back’

*Joelene, now a resident of Durban central, was born and raised in the UK.

During her teen years she started drinking socially with friends, but by her 30s, alcohol became a constant in her life.

“I drank 24 hours a day. It never occurred to me that I was an alcoholic. My late husband recognised that I was struggling with alcoholism, but I could not see it.Only at the age of 52 did I accept that I was an alcoholic.

“In AA, we talk about an invisible line that once crossed, you can’t say no to a drink. When I look back, I’d say I reached that point in my 30s. I drank very heavily. Having a drink consumed my every thought. I had no control.”

Joelene said being an alcoholic led to her leaving her family.

“I walked out of a 16-year marriage. I left my 13-year-old son with the parent who wasn’t battling alcoholism. It has taken 13 years of sobriety for my son to accept me and to accept that I really am working hard every day at staying sober.

“That was difficult for me to come to terms with, as a mother, that I had damaged this young man. But, it was a big wake-up call for me. The despair that we see and carry, particularly as mothers, because of the neglect that our children suffer because of alcoholism.

“I have grandchildren now who are part of my life because I’m sober. They wouldn’t be in my life if I was drinking. And this is what the AA programme has given back to me.”

She encouraged people to look out for early warning signs of alcoholism. “Watch how somebody drinks. An alcoholic doesn’t know how to sip a drink. We guzzle our drinks. And we will not leave any drink behind until it’s all finished.”

Joelene said the first step toward sobriety starts with just coming through to an AA meeting.

“When I went for my first AA meeting, listening and hearing about what people had done when they were under the influence, I thought, that sounds like me. It is actually a huge relief to realise that there are other people out there who are just like me.

“You just have to be willing to accept that maybe you have a drinking problem. You just have to take that first step. Go to that first meeting, in person or join a Zoom meeting, you don’t have to say anything, just listen.”

She said many people think they can go cold turkey.

“I went cold turkey once for a few days to get a quick detox. Personally, I would not recommend it at all. The AA 12-step programme of recovery offers more support. When I was sober, my husband fell terminally ill. I watched him die second by second, and in that time, I didn’t need to take a drink. He died when I was two years and three months sober. I didn’t need to drink to get through that, and that was because of the support of the AA meetings,” said Joelene.

*Not their real names. The AA does not reveal the real names of their members, volunteers and trustees. AA’s national helpline number is: 0861 HELP AA (435722). Learn more about alcoholism and AA’s solution on their website www. aasouthafrica.org.za